I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I love you.
Bad choice
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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