Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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