You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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