NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
