I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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