tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
