U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
