I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
