ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
