I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
