It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
