hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
