90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
