Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
