Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
