shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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