I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
