So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
