he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
