I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
that's an acceptable place to lick
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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