so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
