I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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