woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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