i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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