Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
