I want to have your abortion
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
