you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
