Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize