he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
