I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
