my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
