dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
