I think i peed on brittanys purse
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
