On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
