So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
