I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
