The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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