were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
