I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
