Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
