i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
