Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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