So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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