I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
