take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
