Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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