I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
