last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
you're hired as official boob wrangler
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
