Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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