You work out of a Hotel?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
