he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
