Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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