yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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