dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
