I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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