Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
