i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
