If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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