Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
