i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
there's paper in my vomit.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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