TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
