Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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