ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
