I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize