I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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