my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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