This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
