I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
