I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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