One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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