God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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