come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
tell me about the eggs
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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