so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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