I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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