i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
