just tell him i said nine months
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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